I'm not stressed, just taking my overwhelmed-ness with style...

This month I had two classes instead of my normal 1. Which means the 20-30 hours of work I get in a class is now 40-60 hours. On top of working 40 hours a week, and oh yeah, I'm a mom.

Luckily a blizzard came through and I was able to kill 90% of my homework during that time. However, my house is still a mess (and now salt is tracked through it despite my best efforts), my homework still isn't finished, laundry isn't done, and I'm moving out of the country in a couple of months.

I would just like to make a shout out to the United States Postal Service for being, by far, the most unhelpful waste of my time I have ever had to deal with. I should have to A.) Pay over $100 for a passport and B.) Have to physically make an appointment at the post office and then proceed to come back to get the service taken care of. It's 2016, the internet exists for a reason. At least let me set my appointment up online!

On top of already losing my birth certificate and marriage license this year, the USPS now has the new copies for "X" amount of months and I still have to take those original copies to someone in the government for a different type of passport. And to clarify, I am the one that lost the certificates, not the USPS.

So long story short, getting paperwork done is stressful enough without having my own stupidness making it worse.

And as much time as I have spent on moving stuff around my house from one room to another, I feel beyond overwhelmed. I know I am making life easier for myself by organizing things. I know I am actually taking big chunks out of the moving process. But now there's piles of stuff in every room in my house and my OCD is not feeling it.

I will be happy the day the movers show up and clear out my house. Because despite the fact that I am trusting other people to touch my stuff (Lord be with me and my anxiety), I will at least have until May to not have to worry about that.

If this jumbled mess of thoughts doesn't say it enough. I'm kind of overwhelmed with life. I am just trying really hard to pretend that I'm not.

Tis the Season...to hit deer and total your freaking car.

So I am just here to update you on my life as I do every so often for those who care and wonder where the hell I've been. Tis the season to be busy. Not only have I been planning, decorating, and wrapping for Christmas; but my car was totaled a week ago. Yes, the CRV which was my grandmother's car that was given to us a few months after she passed. I really didn't expect that to happen so it came as a huge shock and I was beyond upset. I was actually hysterical and probably would have had a panic attack except I am on medication and it somehow kept me sort of calm. Anyway, we spent the week looking for a new car (we had been borrowing my old car, the Yaris from my sister-in-law because she's amazing) and the day we decided to buckle down and make a decision my dad came over and offered us his 2003 Corolla. He said he was saving it for my sister who will be driving in a couple of years so it really was just sitting in our driveway. Well, that was such a blessing and we told him we would give it back in two years and find something else for ourselves. And as for now, we are trying to sell my husband's car. A 2004 Chrysler Crossfire. Only 58,000 miles for $11,000. If we can manage to sell that before Christmas we will be able to buy a brand new SUV for ourselves. Next week I will be going to my Pop's house to put up his tree for him. I have mixed emotions about this because it's the first Christmas without my grandmother and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I know I have days where I miss her so much I feel like I cannot even breath. And then there are days where I feel her everywhere around me, watching me, loving me; and I know it'll all be okay. I just continue praying and knowing that one day I can see her and hug her again. But damn, I miss her so much. Anyway, B met Santa for the first time Saturday! It was so cute and he took an amazing picture! (It's on my blog somewhere) And I am sending out our family's first Christmas cards tomorrow! Also very exciting for me! I love this time of year so much!

Changes in Christmas

Tonight my husband and I decorated our Christmas tree. We put some music on and spent the time together hanging ornaments and it was...just really great. I was pulling out all of my ornaments from home and they smelled like home and...that was hard. I literally have no memories outside of my parents house. When I first moved into this house, it was hard adjusting. Now that Christmas is here I have to say I feel like I've first moved in all over again.

This is the first year I will wake up in a different house, not opening presents with my siblings, and I'm not even going to be going to my parents house on Christmas Day at all and suddenly I'm rethinking all of my Christmas plans. My brother is actually going to be home this Christmas which will probably not be the case next year. Just thinking about all of our silly Christmas morning traditions and how I wont be a part of that...it's really REALLY hard.

My husband is being so great about all of this and so patient and understanding.

I don't even know what to do about Christmas anymore. Next year I'll be a mom and that changes everything.