I'm not stressed, just taking my overwhelmed-ness with style...

This month I had two classes instead of my normal 1. Which means the 20-30 hours of work I get in a class is now 40-60 hours. On top of working 40 hours a week, and oh yeah, I'm a mom.

Luckily a blizzard came through and I was able to kill 90% of my homework during that time. However, my house is still a mess (and now salt is tracked through it despite my best efforts), my homework still isn't finished, laundry isn't done, and I'm moving out of the country in a couple of months.

I would just like to make a shout out to the United States Postal Service for being, by far, the most unhelpful waste of my time I have ever had to deal with. I should have to A.) Pay over $100 for a passport and B.) Have to physically make an appointment at the post office and then proceed to come back to get the service taken care of. It's 2016, the internet exists for a reason. At least let me set my appointment up online!

On top of already losing my birth certificate and marriage license this year, the USPS now has the new copies for "X" amount of months and I still have to take those original copies to someone in the government for a different type of passport. And to clarify, I am the one that lost the certificates, not the USPS.

So long story short, getting paperwork done is stressful enough without having my own stupidness making it worse.

And as much time as I have spent on moving stuff around my house from one room to another, I feel beyond overwhelmed. I know I am making life easier for myself by organizing things. I know I am actually taking big chunks out of the moving process. But now there's piles of stuff in every room in my house and my OCD is not feeling it.

I will be happy the day the movers show up and clear out my house. Because despite the fact that I am trusting other people to touch my stuff (Lord be with me and my anxiety), I will at least have until May to not have to worry about that.

If this jumbled mess of thoughts doesn't say it enough. I'm kind of overwhelmed with life. I am just trying really hard to pretend that I'm not.

Not Losing Me

So in the midst of having ridiculous break downs this summer, I woke up and realized I did have a career I wanted to do. I want to be a manager for entertainers. I want to help them stay organized, keep their schedules, and give them someone to trust.

And while I now have this career path in mind I also have to remember I am a wife and a mother. As is brought up all the time, women in these roles are put in such a rough position. While I want to be myself and achieve my goals, I have to remember my responsibilities as a mother. I made the decision to become a mom and therefore I have been learning how to prioritize my life. 

It's not easy, part of me has those thoughts of wishing I could be selfish and focus soully on myself. I finally know what I want to do with my life! Why did this have to happen after my marriage and son? Well it did. So now I have to move on from that.

I have such an amazing husband and partner. I am blessed to be able to stay at home and raise my son while I go back to school. What a blessing! It definitely helps me make sure I focus on my son while still giving myself the education I need. 

I think it's important as parents that we make our children aware that we are humans too. We have goals and a life. We had these before kids and we will have them after they are grown and leave the house. I feel like showing my son this in giving him the sight of goal setting too. 

I just wish that raising my son and having a career didn't come with such time management. I guess it's helping me prepare for my job. But it still sucks when I feel like I'm being selfish for wanting to achieve some things for myself. 

Regardless, I'm learning and I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of it. At the end of the day as long as I do my absolutely best for my family I can sleep soundly at night.