Traveling to Japan

So I wanted to talk about getting myself to Japan with nothing by my person and a 4-year old side kick.

Started out by oversleeping and leaving later than I wanted to which meant no coffee, so I'm already on a great start. But it gets better.

I proceed to get into the airport with my two suitcases, three carry-on's and son. Get to the check in and it won't work. Get to the counter the man says "Oh, these are government tickets and they weren't paid for yet."

"Can I just pay for them myself?" I ask him, ready to set the airport on fired.

"Do you have a government credit card?"

"No, I'm just the dependent."

"Then no, I'm sorry."

So panic is setting in. My flight takes off in a little over an hour and I haven't even gotten to security. I call up the husband and begin to panic. He tells me to call the travel agency the company uses. I call them and get this old guy with the thickest Boston accent I have ever heard who tells me "Oh you need to call Helen in Virginia." So I try to sound nice and hang up and call Helen. Helen is very nice, she is immediately concerned with this and tells me she's going to walk downstairs and take care of it personally to sit tight.

I call the husband in tears at this point because although everything can be fixed, I'm already feeling weird about the whole moving to another country bit on top of everything going wrong.

So Helen calls me back, tickets have been paid for. I go to check in and the lady tells me I have to take 10 collective lbs out of my suitcases. So I basically end up carrying even more crap then I originally intended on doing.

Plus I have a 4 year old.

So somehow I manage to get through security, stop at the convenience store, grab juice and milk, take my magic happy pills, get chocolate milk into my kid, get on first plane.

First plane ride was just fine. B did great, he was a little nervous, but he enjoyed it. I fed him some yogurt from the convenience store and he was excited to get sprite. He played his gameboy and I tried to relax and rest.

We land on that plane and we end up being close to the last ones off because, again I'm carrying three bags and have a 4-year old. We have literally an hour until the other plane takes off. I get on the train, get to the gate, get to another convenience store and stock up on some protein bars, cheeze its (a must with B) and some waters. We get back in line in time for them to start calling the zones. There are some perks to looking like a ruffled mother with too many bags and her kid. 1. I had a military passport, meaning I was traveling on my orders. So when the people saw the red they mostly just let me go. I get on the plane which is a house on wheels. The flight attendant sees my struggle and immediately helps me out and takes my bag to put up into the thing for me. We get settled in and it's a bit tight, but it wasn't terrible. I'm so glad I chose aisle seats because I was able to stand up and move about a lot easier. The girls in our row were very kind and I'm pretty sure B's head was resting against one of their arms while he slept.

Which was only for 2 hours.

Out of the 12 hours flight.

But he was great, he just played and watched movies and I actually had to make him mad and stand up and stretch and move around and go potty. He was content sitting there for 12 hours doing nothing. He's my kid, what can I say?

The flight was otherwise uneventful. We landed a few minutes early and had to wait for the next plane to move out of our gate. Well, B decided that was the time to fall asleep and passed OUT. So I literally waited for everyone to get off the plane before even beginning to get him to move. Again, another flight attendant sees my struggle and takes one of my bags to the end of the plane for me. B is slow moving, still half asleep and I'm glad we were there for good because there was no way I would have made a connecting flight with him moving so slow.

We get to customs and immigration and the line is unreal. B tells me as soon as we get into line he has to pee and it's an emergency and the bathrooms are of course the entire distance away from where we are standing. So I gather all of our crap, get him to the potty, and get back in line. We get in line and he starts crying. He wants me to hold him, but I am holding a backpack, a messenger bag that weighs 100 lbs, and dragging his tiny darth vader bag. This only makes him cry harder.

I try and try to get him to settle down, but he's having none of it and so I cave and pick him up. I am literally balancing him on the messenger bag against my stomach and pulling the vader bag. People are, at this point, beginning to make comments. "Oh do you have a connecting flight?" "No, we are here for the next 3 years. My husband is on the other side of this." The nice man in front of me asked if he could carry a bag for me and just as I was going to answer one of the Japanese immigration women came up to me and asked to see my passports. When I showed her she pulled me out of line and took me over to the priority line that had 3 people in it.

God bless this woman, I hope she finds money on the ground.

I get through the rest with no problems. At baggage claim I grab one of those carts that keeps me from dying. I get to customs, the guy sees my passport, asks me if I have any weapons, when I say no he lets me go through.

God bless that lovely man.

Finally, we are reunited with Kurt. B is excited and I go to the convenience store when I find a Japanese magazine with 2PM on it (a band for those who don't know) and I am a happy mom for the 2 hours we have to wait for the next bus because we missed the first one.

It's all good though, the bus showed up and I think B and I were on it for maybe 10 minutes before we both passed out.

All in all, everything could have been much worse. Things could have gone downhill and everything could have been crap. My kid is amazing, he's so excited about being here and he's going to fit in just fine. The husband is also doing amazing and is loving his job and fitting in great.

I have a lot of anxieties still. I don't know anyone here so of course that makes me anxious. The thought that this is my new home for the next few years is still a lot to wrap my head around. But I'm not sad about it. I am still excited for the adventure. I see things and I think "I can't wait for people to visit me so I can show them this." I've started leaving post its of Japanese words all over the house in hopes of learning it quicker. I also hope after my classes on base, I will find a Japanese course I can take. Once I am more comfortable in the language I will be more comfortable here, I think.

Regardless, we made it! We are safe! And God's plans are better than our own.

Dream, Hope, Forward.

“꿈, 희망, 전진” “Dream, Hope, Forward.”

The phrase is one you may recognize from BTS’s “Young Forever” song. I had been bouncing around what exactly I wanted as a phrase for this tattoo for months, actually. A year ago I had a huge mental breakdown and I have since pushed myself past so many limits I thought I had. This tattoo has a few different meanings for me. 

The first is to remind myself how far I have come. I am moving out of this country on Friday. Something I swore I never thought I would ever do. I only have memories of living in the place I am in right now. This is a huge step for me, as I have let my anxieties rule my life for so long and I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s a promise I made to myself when I hit that bottom over a year ago. It’s a promise I haven’t broken. I was able to pick myself up, go back to work, go back to school, and now I am able to start a new chapter of my life in a different country. I am so proud of myself for how far I’ve come. I have moved from the woman who had to take her son to her mother’s house because she couldn’t even leave the couch without having a panic attack, to a woman accomplishing her goals and her dreams. I want to encourage so many others suffering from depression and anxiety. It’s not something that has to rule your life. I want to be a good example to my kid and to those around me that I didn’t let my anxiety win.

The second one is one where people will probably judge me, but that’s okay. I expect judgement. I expect ridicule. I don’t mind it, because I did this for myself and my own happiness. As I said earlier, I was struggling to find the right phrase. I didn’t want a huge phrase or a huge tattoo, knowing that it was my first and on my wrist. I had considered getting a lot of different things, but I had always leaned towards lyrics from BTS. I got into them as I hit this low point in my life and they have always held a special place in my heart because of that reason. There have been countless days where I have been anxious or depressed and seen a show they were on, a post on SNS, or even just something from the past come up and they put a smile on my face. I have watched them grow as a group and remain humble and true. I truly adore these boys and their music has brought a lot of happiness to my life. However, as I was not settling on a specific lyric or phrase, I put this tattoo on the back burner.

Then they released this song. Right before I leave the country they release it, and I saw those lyrics and I just knew. This is it. That’s what I want to remind me of how far I’ve come, of who I am now. The translation is "dream, hope, forward/advance or even keep moving".

The fact that the lyrics come from this group is just a fantastic bonus for me. I know where the lyrics come from, I know the heart and hard work that’s been put into their own lives. 

And thus, my first tattoo is here. I get to be reminded of how strong I am every day of my life. I am proud of myself, proud to take these steps, proud to show my son what I overcame. To have my friends there made it so much better, to have them to share the experience with.

I will truly miss my friends and family so so much when I leave. It’s what makes leaving so hard. But I am so excited to embrace my future and see what God has in store for me. He led me to every decision I have made up until this point and I know He will continue to lead me. 

As Friday comes I will embrace my hopes and my dreams, and I will keep moving forward.

I'm not stressed, just taking my overwhelmed-ness with style...

This month I had two classes instead of my normal 1. Which means the 20-30 hours of work I get in a class is now 40-60 hours. On top of working 40 hours a week, and oh yeah, I'm a mom.

Luckily a blizzard came through and I was able to kill 90% of my homework during that time. However, my house is still a mess (and now salt is tracked through it despite my best efforts), my homework still isn't finished, laundry isn't done, and I'm moving out of the country in a couple of months.

I would just like to make a shout out to the United States Postal Service for being, by far, the most unhelpful waste of my time I have ever had to deal with. I should have to A.) Pay over $100 for a passport and B.) Have to physically make an appointment at the post office and then proceed to come back to get the service taken care of. It's 2016, the internet exists for a reason. At least let me set my appointment up online!

On top of already losing my birth certificate and marriage license this year, the USPS now has the new copies for "X" amount of months and I still have to take those original copies to someone in the government for a different type of passport. And to clarify, I am the one that lost the certificates, not the USPS.

So long story short, getting paperwork done is stressful enough without having my own stupidness making it worse.

And as much time as I have spent on moving stuff around my house from one room to another, I feel beyond overwhelmed. I know I am making life easier for myself by organizing things. I know I am actually taking big chunks out of the moving process. But now there's piles of stuff in every room in my house and my OCD is not feeling it.

I will be happy the day the movers show up and clear out my house. Because despite the fact that I am trusting other people to touch my stuff (Lord be with me and my anxiety), I will at least have until May to not have to worry about that.

If this jumbled mess of thoughts doesn't say it enough. I'm kind of overwhelmed with life. I am just trying really hard to pretend that I'm not.

End of an Era...but not really.

Growing up in a military town means that I've watched a lot of people come and go in my life. With the expansion of technology, I've also learned how to keep and maintain friendships strictly over the internet. In my life, I have had the luxury of being able to keep a group of girls with me since the 9th grade. We made it through high school together, learning how to cope with not all having the same lunch period. We made it through college, getting through as one of us went away to school and another studied abroad for a semester. We've learned the transitions of new relationships that have grown into marriages. We've grown up, but we never grew apart. Our time together has become fewer and far between, and it's crazy to think it started off by us seeing each other every single day for 180 days straight.

As we are continuing to grow, we are starting to move apart. It's crazy to think that we have been given such amazing opportunities to spread our wings and fly. And while we are leaving some behind, I have no doubt in my mind that God has a plan for each and every one of us and He will let that plan come to light as time goes on.

Tonight I said goodbye to a dear friend. This goodbye was not forever, I know I will see her again soon. And with help from my dear friend, social media, I will see her often. However, we have once again taken another step away from those every day hangouts for 45 minutes in the cafeteria into adulthood. It's sad to face these changes and know that with growing up and pursuing goals we have to separate ourselves from people we love and cherish. It doesn't mean we stop being friends, stop loving them, or even stop seeing them. It just means those visits get a little more spread out.

My sister asked me if I was sad that I was saying goodbye to my dear friend. Someone I have known and trusted with my life for over 10 years. I told her no, I wasn't sad because this year I already know I will see her at least once more. However, the years after that are blurry, and I'm so thankful that our parents decided to stay in the same area because eventually we will all come home to see them. And hopefully that will be a similar time. I'm not sad because I know that even though I am putting an ocean between us, my best friends have high hopes of saving up enough money to come see me at some point. And I have the ability to come home and see them at least once a year. I'm not sad because I know I have the internet on my side. I can facetime, Skype, Hangout, or even just Snapchat anyone I want at any given time. Letting them know they are on my mind and that I love them. That's what is most important.

I'm sad to face this change because where we once were standing together, hand in hand, facing the world and it's challenges and holding each other up; we are not separated a bit more. Our hands are still clasped, but our arms are stretched. We have been through separations before, and we will go through more, but that doesn't make my heart ache any less at knowing these sweet girls will not be just a few minutes from me.

I'm sad to send one of my best friends off because I selfishly wish we could be together forever in our lame little town where nothing ever happens and there's nothing to do. But I am happy to know we are brave enough to explore other options, careers, and new lives for ourselves. I am happy to know we have the support of each other, through thick and thin.

These girls are 4 of my very best friends. They have stuck with me through good times and bad. We have been friends for so long, and it would be silly for us to stop now. I look forward to continue moving forward with them. I'm sad that our arms are stretching a little further, but I know that we will never let go of each other's hands. I love you girls, thank you for holding my hand.

And so it begins...

The stress of moving is one that I don't think anyone wishes on their worst enemies. The stress of moving overseas, and figuring out what can come (basic necessities) and what can stay (literally almost everything) is hard work. On top of that is the normal amount of trying to organize rooms so that when the movers come in they don't screw anything up.

I began going through B's toys today. I recently went through them before Christmas so I knew what I was dealing with, however, I wanted to put aside the toys that are not coming with us to Japan so that I had one thing marked off of my check list. Not to mention I was putting away new toys at the same time. The problem is once I started, I wanted to somehow blow through the entire house tonight. New Years Eve and I am in the mood to re-organize my life, go figure.

I had to force myself to step away. My house is a mess, the tree is covered in presents, the kitchen hasn't seen a clean dish in over a week, and my floor needs vacuumed more than anything. I start school again Monday and it's two classes and all I can think is I am working full time, taking two classes, and trying to move at the same time.

*deep breaths* shall be my new mantra this next couple of months. The good news is, K is leaving first and once he leaves the "moving" part is pretty much over. After that it's just me and B and my mom's basement (I invited myself, but I know she doesn't mind :P) moving only myself and my son and our limited clothing will be 100 times easier than moving K and the entire house.

That being said, I will probably be spending the next few weekends going through my stuff. I want to box up some things on my own that I don't feel comfortable letting movers touch all over and basically just toss things in boxes.

My OCD is having panic attacks, but I am forcing myself to just breath and keep going.

That being said, if anyone has the urge to just vacuum my entire house and clean my kitchen, you're welcome over at any time. I will be somewhere in the house frazzled and organizing piles and piles of stuff.