I'm not like the rest.

I realized early on in my life that I'm different from everyone else. I think differently than most people do, and a lot of my thoughts stay negative. As I've grown older I've grown cynical and tired, I have become less tolerant of people.

This past week has been a test in my faith, my patience, and my anger management. It has been a test in my relationships with people I think dearly of, it has been a test of my relationship with my own country.

A lot of people are awful in this world. Not just America, but this world. Evil lurks in so many crevices and hides there, it festers on our negative thoughts and it jumps at the chance to bring those thoughts to life.

I've brought this up a lot, but when we first moved here a lot of bad things happened involving military members and Japanese civilians and it put a damper on the way Americans were perceived in Japan. It bothered me a lot because I felt injustice to being grouped up with these people who acted like ignorant turds. My husband told me, "We just have to show them that we're not like that."

Those words echo in my mind often, and especially right now. I am a white Christian woman and I feel as though I don't have a lot of say in how other people should feel right now.

I am someone who bleeds positivity. I am the weird flower-child of my family and I know it bothers them that I'm like this. With my mental illness, I truly cannot live in a world of hate and anger, if I did I would be letting my brain win. And by letting my brain win, it means letting it eat me alive until I can't take it anymore. So I truly try hard to be a positive person and share light and love with the people I know and the people I love.

I want to be a good influence to everyone. I want them to know that not only am I someone who is nonjudgemental and loving; I am a representation of Christ's love for me. I am like this because of the Lord. I take no credit for being this way without Him.

However, this isn't about religion. It's not about what you are, who you are, who you love, etc. This is about respect. Respecting another person shouldn't be so difficult. It has nothing to do with a race, religion or sexual preference. Respecting another person is basic human decency.

I have so much anger in the state of our country right now. I hurt because people are still so backwards and spreading so much hate towards each other. Anyone close to me knows I can be angry and hateful, but I just cannot imagine acting out that way towards someone else. I cannot imagine being so awful to another person because they think or look differently then me.

I don't have a point to this, I guess I just needed to remind myself to prove I am not like that. It just got a lot harder to prove that I am not a representation of some of the people in my country, but I will continue to do so. I will continue to fight for what I believe is right, and I will continue to stand up for those who are put down for fighting for those beliefs.

A country divided is not going to grow, it's not going to get better, it's not going to overcome this. Be angry, be upset, get it out. Because that's a healthy way of dealing with your emotion. But then move forward, figure out proper ways to fight our government. Posting on social media your ignorant ideas and thoughts doesn't do anything but anger others. Write to your congressman, vote in the upcoming elections, and properly educate yourself on real facts. Don't be a sheep, by fighting with one another you're only doing what the media and government has set up for you to do. Break the pattern, fight back, and spread love.

Prove to them you're not like the others.

"Only in the darkness can you see the stars." -Martin Luther King Jr.

I'm not stressed, just taking my overwhelmed-ness with style...

This month I had two classes instead of my normal 1. Which means the 20-30 hours of work I get in a class is now 40-60 hours. On top of working 40 hours a week, and oh yeah, I'm a mom.

Luckily a blizzard came through and I was able to kill 90% of my homework during that time. However, my house is still a mess (and now salt is tracked through it despite my best efforts), my homework still isn't finished, laundry isn't done, and I'm moving out of the country in a couple of months.

I would just like to make a shout out to the United States Postal Service for being, by far, the most unhelpful waste of my time I have ever had to deal with. I should have to A.) Pay over $100 for a passport and B.) Have to physically make an appointment at the post office and then proceed to come back to get the service taken care of. It's 2016, the internet exists for a reason. At least let me set my appointment up online!

On top of already losing my birth certificate and marriage license this year, the USPS now has the new copies for "X" amount of months and I still have to take those original copies to someone in the government for a different type of passport. And to clarify, I am the one that lost the certificates, not the USPS.

So long story short, getting paperwork done is stressful enough without having my own stupidness making it worse.

And as much time as I have spent on moving stuff around my house from one room to another, I feel beyond overwhelmed. I know I am making life easier for myself by organizing things. I know I am actually taking big chunks out of the moving process. But now there's piles of stuff in every room in my house and my OCD is not feeling it.

I will be happy the day the movers show up and clear out my house. Because despite the fact that I am trusting other people to touch my stuff (Lord be with me and my anxiety), I will at least have until May to not have to worry about that.

If this jumbled mess of thoughts doesn't say it enough. I'm kind of overwhelmed with life. I am just trying really hard to pretend that I'm not.

End of an Era...but not really.

Growing up in a military town means that I've watched a lot of people come and go in my life. With the expansion of technology, I've also learned how to keep and maintain friendships strictly over the internet. In my life, I have had the luxury of being able to keep a group of girls with me since the 9th grade. We made it through high school together, learning how to cope with not all having the same lunch period. We made it through college, getting through as one of us went away to school and another studied abroad for a semester. We've learned the transitions of new relationships that have grown into marriages. We've grown up, but we never grew apart. Our time together has become fewer and far between, and it's crazy to think it started off by us seeing each other every single day for 180 days straight.

As we are continuing to grow, we are starting to move apart. It's crazy to think that we have been given such amazing opportunities to spread our wings and fly. And while we are leaving some behind, I have no doubt in my mind that God has a plan for each and every one of us and He will let that plan come to light as time goes on.

Tonight I said goodbye to a dear friend. This goodbye was not forever, I know I will see her again soon. And with help from my dear friend, social media, I will see her often. However, we have once again taken another step away from those every day hangouts for 45 minutes in the cafeteria into adulthood. It's sad to face these changes and know that with growing up and pursuing goals we have to separate ourselves from people we love and cherish. It doesn't mean we stop being friends, stop loving them, or even stop seeing them. It just means those visits get a little more spread out.

My sister asked me if I was sad that I was saying goodbye to my dear friend. Someone I have known and trusted with my life for over 10 years. I told her no, I wasn't sad because this year I already know I will see her at least once more. However, the years after that are blurry, and I'm so thankful that our parents decided to stay in the same area because eventually we will all come home to see them. And hopefully that will be a similar time. I'm not sad because I know that even though I am putting an ocean between us, my best friends have high hopes of saving up enough money to come see me at some point. And I have the ability to come home and see them at least once a year. I'm not sad because I know I have the internet on my side. I can facetime, Skype, Hangout, or even just Snapchat anyone I want at any given time. Letting them know they are on my mind and that I love them. That's what is most important.

I'm sad to face this change because where we once were standing together, hand in hand, facing the world and it's challenges and holding each other up; we are not separated a bit more. Our hands are still clasped, but our arms are stretched. We have been through separations before, and we will go through more, but that doesn't make my heart ache any less at knowing these sweet girls will not be just a few minutes from me.

I'm sad to send one of my best friends off because I selfishly wish we could be together forever in our lame little town where nothing ever happens and there's nothing to do. But I am happy to know we are brave enough to explore other options, careers, and new lives for ourselves. I am happy to know we have the support of each other, through thick and thin.

These girls are 4 of my very best friends. They have stuck with me through good times and bad. We have been friends for so long, and it would be silly for us to stop now. I look forward to continue moving forward with them. I'm sad that our arms are stretching a little further, but I know that we will never let go of each other's hands. I love you girls, thank you for holding my hand.