Dream, Hope, Forward.

“꿈, 희망, 전진” “Dream, Hope, Forward.”

The phrase is one you may recognize from BTS’s “Young Forever” song. I had been bouncing around what exactly I wanted as a phrase for this tattoo for months, actually. A year ago I had a huge mental breakdown and I have since pushed myself past so many limits I thought I had. This tattoo has a few different meanings for me. 

The first is to remind myself how far I have come. I am moving out of this country on Friday. Something I swore I never thought I would ever do. I only have memories of living in the place I am in right now. This is a huge step for me, as I have let my anxieties rule my life for so long and I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s a promise I made to myself when I hit that bottom over a year ago. It’s a promise I haven’t broken. I was able to pick myself up, go back to work, go back to school, and now I am able to start a new chapter of my life in a different country. I am so proud of myself for how far I’ve come. I have moved from the woman who had to take her son to her mother’s house because she couldn’t even leave the couch without having a panic attack, to a woman accomplishing her goals and her dreams. I want to encourage so many others suffering from depression and anxiety. It’s not something that has to rule your life. I want to be a good example to my kid and to those around me that I didn’t let my anxiety win.

The second one is one where people will probably judge me, but that’s okay. I expect judgement. I expect ridicule. I don’t mind it, because I did this for myself and my own happiness. As I said earlier, I was struggling to find the right phrase. I didn’t want a huge phrase or a huge tattoo, knowing that it was my first and on my wrist. I had considered getting a lot of different things, but I had always leaned towards lyrics from BTS. I got into them as I hit this low point in my life and they have always held a special place in my heart because of that reason. There have been countless days where I have been anxious or depressed and seen a show they were on, a post on SNS, or even just something from the past come up and they put a smile on my face. I have watched them grow as a group and remain humble and true. I truly adore these boys and their music has brought a lot of happiness to my life. However, as I was not settling on a specific lyric or phrase, I put this tattoo on the back burner.

Then they released this song. Right before I leave the country they release it, and I saw those lyrics and I just knew. This is it. That’s what I want to remind me of how far I’ve come, of who I am now. The translation is "dream, hope, forward/advance or even keep moving".

The fact that the lyrics come from this group is just a fantastic bonus for me. I know where the lyrics come from, I know the heart and hard work that’s been put into their own lives. 

And thus, my first tattoo is here. I get to be reminded of how strong I am every day of my life. I am proud of myself, proud to take these steps, proud to show my son what I overcame. To have my friends there made it so much better, to have them to share the experience with.

I will truly miss my friends and family so so much when I leave. It’s what makes leaving so hard. But I am so excited to embrace my future and see what God has in store for me. He led me to every decision I have made up until this point and I know He will continue to lead me. 

As Friday comes I will embrace my hopes and my dreams, and I will keep moving forward.