Do you believe Me when My answer is "wait"?

Sunday morning as I sat in church and listened to my Pastor preach, I'll admit I was not paying as much attention as I could have been. We are currently teaching little B how to sit through church and so keeping him occupied without disrupting the entire congregation is sometimes a bit trying. However, I heard my Pastor as he spoke about love, forgiveness, and dealing with people you have a problem with. In that moment, I loved his words, but I didn't necessarily feel like it was something I needed to know in that moment.

The Lord knows better.

This week I have been faced with different trials in my life having to deal directly with other people. The Lord knew on Sunday how my temper fires me up and that He needed to put my fire out before it even started. As I have been very angry and frustrated with people in my life this week, I have remembered my Pastor's words and my Lord's words to me.

I have also been feeling very down about my current situation. I am so blessed, I have been given so many great things in my life, however, K and I are ready to move forward. There is a lot we want to do in our careers, and he is ready to make those career changes. However, despite his constant efforts, he has gotten no where in being able to move forward in his career.

Patience is a virtue, this I know, but our hearts still struggle with being patient. We are ready to make a change and we feel as though we are stuck in a sort of state of "limbo" until those changes happen. How long should we try to wait before he should consider his other options? We are sitting on a lot of "what ifs" and we aren't sure where to move.

This morning I opened up a book I have called "Encouragement for Today". I don't read it daily, but I do try to open it when I am struggling in my patience with God. The chapter was on planting seeds, and although she focused a bit more on planting seeds of faith in others she mentioned waiting on God. How we plant the seeds and we can water than, but the Lord is what makes them grow.

K and I have planted our seeds. The Lord knows our hearts and our dreams, we have to be patient as we wait for Him to grow our seeds. I have faith in His plan for us, I know He planted these goals in our hearts for a reason.

This week I am learning the humble lesson of patience. Patience with my friends, patience with my family, and patience with Christ. I am struggling deeply this week with a lot of different things, but I know I can lean on my Lord to help me through it all. He knows my heart, which is so very clear to me after the sermon on Sunday has helped me through my week tremendously. The Lord knows. He knows everything and He has a plan for us. I hope that I can remember this as I continue through my week.

Romans 15:13

13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Matthew 5:16

16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Bye Bye Baby

I'm sure I have touched on this before, but it just astounds me how much B has grown in the last few months. I am officially putting away 24 month clothes as he wears them and they barely cover is little belly, and pulling out the 2T; official toddler status. It's amazing because it truly just happens in a blink of an eye. Boom. Bye bye baby, hello toddler! They just look at you one day and ask for food and you show them some options and they choose one and run along there way. You realize, "Oh my gosh, I just had a semi-intelligent conversation with my toddler." B is famous for Sunday morning melt downs. This kid will run away from me in a crowded public place and care less that he has "lost" me in the crowd. Try to leave him in nursery on Sunday? Hah. He is hysterical until K or I stop singing and go grab him from the poor (and now deaf) nursery worker. Even the moms who he knows and have watched him before outside of church will have to suffer through his cries. Well, two Sundays ago we were sitting in church and he had been doing just fine. We were by ourselves this day as it was one of the Sundays K was home sick (January has been a sickly month for this house). About the time pastor started his sermon B decided he was over sitting quietly with me. I walked him over to the nursery door and explained his options to him. "You can sit quietly in church with mama or you can go into nursery and play with your friends. Would you like to play in the nursery?" "Ah." He responded and grabbed the handle. ("Ah" is yes in B language for future reference)I opened the door and expected the normal fight, but it never came. The nursery worker smiled and asked his name (she was new) and he strolled right inside. She offered to read him a book (his favorite past time next to movie watching) and he was sold. I sat by myself in church and listened to the sermon and never heard a peep from my boy. I couldn't help but sneak a text to my husband and let him know the accomplishment! "He's getting to be a big boy now." K responded. I simply sent him a crying emoji in return, I was not ready for this. Again today, it came time for me to go sit with the choir to sing. K, once again sick, was home and it was just me and B. He was with one of his favorite nursery workers. "Okay, I am going to go sing now. Do you want to keep reading with Z in here?" "Ah." He responded, not even looking up from the book in the little toddler chair he sat in. I walked in to the church and sat down, expecting to hear cries at any time. They never came. He played quietly until I returned (it was my Sunday for nursery duty as well). He's learning more and more each day and surprising me with every bit of it. If he sees the Petco sign he starts pointing and saying "Meow" because he knows we stop in sometimes to visit the kitties that are inside. He told me he was hot in the car one sunny afternoon while we were out running errands. I took his coat off, and he was pleasant for the rest of the trip. But with this new toddler independence comes new appreciation for those loving and tender moments. When he wakes up from his nap and just rests his head on my shoulder for awhile. Or when he stops in the middle of playing and jumps into my lap and wants a kiss. His smiles and laughter all mean so much more because so much more thought is behind them. He understands so much more so it means he knows what he's laughing at or that he specifically wants a hug from mom in that moment. Those are the times where my heart literally melts with love. Although watching him grow up is hard, and helping him learn his boundaries can be even harder; it is the most rewarding experience in the world. I am so proud of that kid my heart could just explode. Even when he decides to have a temper tantrum in the middle of Target and lay completely down on the floor while screaming as other mothers walk past with a knowing smile. I don't even mind those times. Because one day he is going to stop needing me, and then he'll be grown and leaving me. I dread those days. I relish in these days. I don't want to forget them.

Blessed

The best gift God has ever given me is B. Despite the struggling day we shared today, I go to bed grateful to have had him. He literally saved my life. I was headed no where. No plans or goals in my future. I didn't know what I wanted in a career.

The motherhood came along and I realized, "wow this is actually for me". Something I truly did not expect. I never liked kids, I never babysat, and even as a mom I STILL feel awkward with some children. But B is different, he's literally part of me and maybe that's why it's so natural. I'm raising myself and my husband, and clearly I love both of us, so why wouldn't our creation be awesome?

Don't get me wrong, motherhood is full of challenges and struggles. Witnessing your own temper in your son can be very humbling. But it's a frustration well worth it. It never ceases to amaze me how much I love this kid. I don't want to forget this time because I'll miss it so so dearly when it's gone. But that's for another day.