Learning

It's amazing how, even when you're together for 5 years you can continue learning how to work in your relationship. I don't expect to have it down right now, but we're just starting off as a married couple and now as parents. Even with the baby still settled in my womb, it's a learning experience on how to deal with one another. Last night was the first fight we've had in a long time where we sat down with each other after and taught each other new things about ourselves. He's learning to live with my hormonal craziness and I am learning to keep my mouth shut. I just feel like we've grown even closer after last night and it's a good feeling.

I am struggling a lot with the pain I see in his eyes. He wants to bad to provide for myself and our child without me having to lift a finger for work. He cannot do that because we're just not in that place in our lives and I pushed so hard for this baby and now he's struggling. I've never seen him truly struggle like this and it absolutely tears me to shreds inside. He, of course, does not blame me and is excited for the baby and wont even listen to me say sorry for this, but I still struggle. I think it's something I will have to learn to live with and work through for the rest of my life.

I feel lost without my medication. My hormones are completely out of control and I really struggle to remain a stable human being. I absolutely refuse to be on these medications while pregnant, I know I am stronger than my emotions and if it takes me being on bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy so I don't kill anyone, then I will do it. Afterwards, however, I am scared. I know I can fall back on my medication when the baby is born, but I really want to be able to breast feed and give the best to my child which is my own milk. I guess we will see what happens.