Something in the Water

So many emotions and problems I am not sure how to even blog about it.

I was feeling pretty good, I got a job at Target and started working and what not and then Kurt tells me that the money and hours I am getting from Target are not sufficient enough for our budget. There's nothing worse then being beyond poor at Christmas time. My family has provided me with so much love, money, and support my entire life and I'm finally married and I literally cannot afford to get them anything. I have cut back to basically nothing for each person and I hate it. I like getting people personal gifts that they will really appreciate it and it's hard to not be able to do that. It's set me off into depression that I've been fighting very hard to not let happen to me. Between my loss of the Zoloft and the gain of hormones being pregnant I have been an emotional wreck with everything and dealing with stress becomes something I cannot even deal with at all.

On top of all of this basically all of my friends have been in a depressed funk as well. Some are worse than others, but each and every one of us is going through our own hard times. I feel guilty because I find it hard to be a patient and endearing friend to them and help them while helping myself. It sounds selfish and weird, but I love all of my friends and I am trying very hard to take the time and talk to them because they take the time to talk to me.

I'm scared of everything there is about giving birth and having this baby. And at the same time I'm so enthralled and excited. And I'm scared to be a crazy mother that wont let anyone touch the baby. I really want to breast feed, but what if I need my Zoloft again? I wont be able to.

I'm too tire to touch more on it now, maybe some other night. I'm doing well today, the first good day I've had all week so that's nice.

Also tumblr and The Big Bang Theory is awesome, but I'm finishing the first second season and it's all I've got. Sad Day.