I am starting to go crazy spending every single day inside of my house and never leaving. I've tried being productive and it makes me feel better for about a second. And I'm really struggling without my medication. I have good days and bad days like everyone else, but I am not stable.
I'm highly considering talking to a councilor about everything because a lot of it stems from the anxiety about having a baby. I'm scared to death and yet still excited. I can't even sit here and write about it because the pit in my stomach starts twisting at the thoughts of the future and I try to just ignore it and live life day by day. And I feel guilty as all hell because I really wish I would have waited. But I cannot talk about that either.
I hate staying in the house and I hate leaving it. Being social is like work for me and that's not healthy. I'm trying to read and write again and get back into habits that make me feel good about myself and it's not really working. I want to breast feed my baby I really want to put the effort out there; however, I don't know if I can handle the hormones anymore. I'm barely getting through these 9 months how am I going to get through 6-7 more? My brain chemicals cannot even out without medication, I'm very scared as to how they're going to try to even out with extra hormones pumping through mt body after I give birth.
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