A New Respect

Ironically, I had my baby right before Mother's Day this year. It has put Mother's Day in perspective for me, definitely. Mother's have the hardest job of all. They have to have the most patience, kindness, love, and understanding than any other person on this earth. The love that a mother has for her child is not one that can be imagined until you hold that baby in your arms. I keep thinking to myself how incredible it is that I can love K so so much in a completely different way than I love my baby boy. But both of them hold my heart in their hands, I sometimes wonder if I even have room to share it anymore. So if there is a mother reading this blog, please know I see you and your job as a mother in a whole new light. I will never look at mother's day the same again. An Update: I am feeling loads better as far as my anxiety is concerned. I got an infection in my right breast which is making me feel a bit under the weather, but the antibiotics are helping tremendously. I even got a chance to run out to Kohls Friday night while K stayed home with the baby in between feedings. K has been the best husband a woman could ever want and need during this time. He has never once complained (to my face) about the amount I ask him to do daily. And if I need to shower or take a bath, he takes the baby and let's me do what I need to do. I love him so much and I try to tell him every day how grateful I am for him. I literally do not know how I am going to make it through this week as he goes back to work. I think it will be time to be calling my friends for back up =) I'm nervous about being home alone, but also prepared. Although he has not really put himself on a schedule, we do have a bit of a routine going now and I'm excited to have the house to myself and veg out again. Just spending time with my computer and tv, and now my son. I have to enjoy it while I can because pretty soon we will be watching his tv and playing his games. I'm fighting off being paranoid about taking him out into public. My mom keeps pushing me to take him out, but I have so many reserves. I am terrified of people touching him, and him getting sick. Even the germs I will get on my hands in a store and then having to touch him. I know I can bring wipes and hand sanitizer, but I'm still scared. I think to myself, I can do this I can take him out, and then when we're in the car I panic. He's still really young, but how long do I keep him isolated in my house? And in the end am I doing more harm than good by hiding him away from the world until I think he's ready? Will that just weaken his system instead of make it stronger? I go to the doctor on Monday for his 2 week check up and that's when I will ask what they suggest. I feel hearing it from them will *hopefully* give me a little more confidence. I have zero problem telling people not to touch my child while I'm in a store and I know it's a different world and people don't really do that anymore anyway, but I'm still scared of the germs that the world holds.