The Wedding Day

It's finally here. I woke up two weeks ago and thought, "Shit. I have a ton of stuff left to do and it's only two weeks away."

Let me go ahead and tell you about the week I'm having, because emotionally my body is ready to check out. This is why there are honeymoons.

Monday: I did absolutely nothing, I relaxed and got ready for the week that was to come.
Tuesday: Cleaned my entire house, got to see new husband's brother and sister-in-law when they flew in.
Wednesday: Got the call that my grandmother was rushed to the hospital with severe tremors through the lower half of her body. They found a mass on her chest and something on her brain. She was rushed to John Hopkins.
Thursday: The bachelorette party. It was an awesome day with friends and an amazing time, I really needed it. Found out later that night that my photographer was sick and could not do the wedding. Also, the new husband's tux was still not in.
Friday: Woke up and found out that my grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer. Still able to make it to my wedding. I was devestated but made it through the day. Final word that my brother also could not make it to the wedding and had someone step in. Later in the evening I found out that my grandmother has two massive tumors on her brain and a bunch of little ones. She will not come to my wedding. Spent the evening breaking down and grieving harder than I have in a very long time. Ended up staying the night with the new husband because I needed him more than ever.
Saturday: This is it. Today's the day. I'm waiting for 12:30 to roll around so that I can go get my hair done. I feel awful. I want it all to be done. And I'm sick of people telling me how beautiful today is going to be. It's not. I'm hurting inside more than I have since my dad served in the war. I don't know how I can keep the smile on my face, but I'll manage. The new husband...we're getting married for a reason, he understands me and he knows what I'm going through. I don't know why I'll bother with make up because I just can't see this working out. The make up I mean. I'm crying because I know the show must still go on even though someone most dear to me is suffering very much. I have to smile for her and only for her. If she sees even for a second that I'm sad, it will break her heart.

*big sigh, lots of breathing* In 5 hours I'll be walking down the aisle. Finally.