This past summer, as was pretty obvious; I fell apart. I found myself at rock bottom crying in my bedroom asking God what He wanted from me. I felt lost, unsure, unloved, and I was desperate for answers.
I really listened to what He had to say. I felt him calling me to fix the things in my life that needed fixing, change my focus in my life as a mother, wife, and daughter. I felt the calling to a career, something I had never felt before. I literally woke up and realized "this is it!" and decided that was my career path.
I prayed to the Lord to guide me. Guide me as a wife and support my husband the way he needed supported. Guide me in using patience with all of my family and myself. Just take me and lead the way. I really let go and let God and now I understand that expression more than anything.
Right now I am typing this from the computer at my new job. (Yes my work is done for the day) Recently I found a fantastic online school that has exactly the program I was looking for. K and I went into all of the dirty details of seeing if we could afford school loans. Long story short: he made too much money for Financial Aid and too little money to get out a loan. He told me I have to wait until he gets a new pay grade or a new job. I was really discouraged by this, I finally had a path and goals in mind for myself and here I hit a block in the road.
Again, I prayed. I let go, because I knew the Lord had a plan for me.
K has been applying to new jobs overseas, but it could be a year before we actually move. Long story short, someone I know was looking for someone to fill in their desk job position at their work. They asked me if I was interested, the pay is enough to cover daycare AND school loans. It's also a low key position, without me mentioning school they told me I could work on school work as long as my real work was done.
The Lord works in mysterious ways. K and I were feeling down about his lack of response from the job applications and I wanted to go back to school and get this degree DONE. We both had to take a piece of humble pie and let God be in control. The second I did that, this job literally landed in my lap. I could almost cry talking about it because how sweet my Lord is to me. He knew I hit bottom, He knows my heart, He knows how much I am trying and here I am receiving overflowing blessings.
No sooner do I start this job did someone pass an article along my way about working mom's and God's blessings towards them. Being a working mom is such a hard thing. I am so excited to get school done and work towards my dream job. But I am a mom. I am a mom and I have a fantastic little boy who I love dearly and I have to stop spending so much time with him. It makes me feel selfish for going towards my dreams, but God doesn't place dreams in your heart for no reason. He has a plan and I hope His plan continues to unfold.
We are still looking to move overseas in the next year and I hope that it will happen and I have faith that He is leading me in the right direction.
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